Sometimes fiction is stranger than reality. Should reality be in caps?

Miracle at St. Anna
(Spike Lee, 2008)

Buffalo soliders surrounded by the Wehrmacht fight each other, locals, flashbacks.

It's sorta like Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, and Buffalo Soliders, but isn't nearly as awesome as any of these. Not even close. In fact not even entirely sure what to say... Sure the combat was pretty decent, tho not as amazing as the three (3) aforementioned films, dialog unintentionally hilarious, and surprise boob shots on two occasions; and yet none of the pieces really came together? What happened here? Well, for starters everyone was too clean for being out in the field. The story far too fantastic; making a film around fact would have really helped here. Wildly unnecessary closeups, establishing shots, intro & outro sequencing, go-nowhere character building, confusing and contradicting messages (within one scene no less!)... The list does go on, but I'd rather get to my fish and make some cookie dough. The film was freakin' 160min! If you're gonna make a film marathon long it's gotta be at least as good as Das Boot and this ain't! You know what. Enough. Time to end this. Tho it is worthy to mention that R.Ebert said "one of the best battle scenes I can remember, on par with Saving Private Ryan." (not even close. not even. jus' sayin' only bein' real) Jus' a lil note to all y'all kiddies out there. Maybe not the most credible source for movie reviews any more. All in all, a fine example of the trouble I get myself into by not reading up on a film before grabbing it/watching any title I hear of.

Verdict:
¡DO NOT WANT!

79min Short

Before I Self Destruct
(50 Cent, 2009)

Former baller struggles to support genius little brother.

If I followed the credits correctly, written, directed, produced, music by Curtis Jackson. So that makes it pretty much awesome. Oh, and the fact it's on disc 2 of the album by the same title equals extra cookies. Action sequences were awesome, fast, brutal. Real life vomiting! Leadin' chick pretty hot. Love scene was interesting. Somehow they managed to show the entirety of the boobs, but never the nipple. The editor deserves a freakin' Oscar for that work since there is no way in hell the cherry on top should have not been visible w/ those angles. There's an interesting mix of "how it is" and fantasy in the film, er short, that adds a bit of whimsy. Such as the scene wherein Fiddy & his grocery store coworker are talkin' about a fly honey who comes into their humble house of employ compared to the wild over the top speech of the neighborhood king pin.

Overall, Hollywood would be wise to take some lessons from Mr. Jackson. 1) Guns 2) Blood 3) Broads 4) Keep it under 90min

Verdict:
If you're the kinda person to want to listen to 50 Cent albums beyond "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" then this film is for you!