(say "i like cheese") I LIKE CHEESE I LIKE CHEESE I LIKE CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you like cheese as much as these kids?

Do you go gay with cheese? ----------->







I thought so. Well gather 'round then, gentle readers, because I've just made the cheese discovery of my frickin' life!

Cheese is kinda a hard one to figure out. Some of it tastes like cheddar, is delicious, and comes in flavors like "sharp" or "medium." Pretty much you can field this one on your own. Other cheese smells like sweaty crotch and tastes like something i'm not going to put into print. How do you know what to choose?!?!? Well let me explain it to you via an analygy of David and Goliath! That's right: the tiny, prepubescent, warrior tot who went after a school yard bully of colossal proportions! A biblical shrimp versus whale! And how, dear reads, does our embryonic David take this leviathan out? He zings him in the frickin' head with a pebble!!!!!!! Oh, and what's this? In a twist of cruel fate, it seems the pebble has the force of a rocket and the giant is pushin' up the daisies! Hella unlikely you say? HELLA LIKELY SAYS THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!!!!! Apparently, there's this disorder called Acromegaly, which basically causes the pituitary gland to suck up and produce hella growth hormones, like some sort of crazed body building BOWFLEX commercial reject, causing you to, you guessed it, get HUGE!

But oh no! Looks like giant size comes with a giant downfall! Because, as some know-it-all scientists say in THIS ARTICLE, most common causes of Acromegaly is a frickin' HUGE tumor in your frickin' pituitary gland! OH THE HUMANITY!

So let's say, gentle reader, that Goliath, being apparently SIX frickin' CUBITS in height (one cubit is equal to 125 miles, give or take), had this acromegaly calamity and so, LOGICALLY, had a frickin' huge-ass tumor! Then our flea hero, David, comes along and frickin' NAILS the side of Goliath's head, causing his large pituitary tumor to HELLA hemorrhage to shit, causing, YOU GUESSED IT, SUDDEN AND TOTAL DEATH!!!!!!!!!

So what does this have to do with cheese? WELL IT'S A FRICKIN' AWESOME STORY! WHAT DO YOU WANT? But fine! Like... the more you research about stuff, the more sense it makes or something...

ANYWAY, so yeah, this cheese I found is called Halloumi Grilling Cheese, and the packaging leads me to believe it's made by these shepherds from Cyprus, who i'm pretty sure might kill wolves with their bare hands to defend their flock (BAD ASS).

Ok, well these potential BAD ASSES make some frickin' AWESOME cheese! Haloumi, which I would describe as a semisoft cheese, has these tiny flecks of mint, and GRILLS to perfection! That's right! It doesn't melt, it toasts! I mean, i GUESS you could eat uncooked slices (salty!), or grate it on salads and pastas, but why ruin the experience??!? So sit in your boxers (or scandalous panties) and grill up slice after delicious slice of this MANA from the GODS!

You can find it at your local Middle Eastern market or specialty grocer! What's stopping you?