it has been many a while...
there has been many a film...
quickly now, before it escapes...
quickly now, quickly now...
Gojira (Ishiro Honda, 1954) - dawn of time lizard Fs the S outta Tokyo, "I hope I didn't survive Nagasaki for nothing!"
RECOMMENDED
Tears of the Black Tiger (Wisit Sasanatieng, 2000) - boy's life ruined by bratty chick. leading lady is freakin' hot.
RECOMMENDED
Come and See (Elem Klimov, 1985) - ruskies run for their lives from the ss. insanely gripping.
RECOMMENDED
Da wu wei (i think that means "6am") (Adrian Kwan, 2004) - fucking terrible, whatever dialect is spoken in hong kong is the most grating thing i've ever heard in my life, only hot chick was a milf so that's pretty cool. makes no goddamn sense whatsoever.
NOT recommended
Severance (Christopher Smith, 2006) - arms mfr peeps hunted by ruskies. campy, enjoyable as the dickens.
RECOMMENDED
Ikiru (Akira Kurosawa, 1952) - pitiful city worker rocks the hood. highly emotional, came close to cracking several times myself.
RECOMMENDED
Tengo to jigoku (High and Low) (Akira Kurosawa, 1963) - limo driver's kid swipped, shoe ceo loses ass, sick man hunted. JDM TYTE detective thriller.
RECOMMENDED
Kumonosu jo (Throne of Blood) (Akira Kurosawa, 1957) - great general driven to unreasonable ends by selfish wife. think samurai macbeth.
RECOMMENDED
Yojimbo (Akira Kurosawa, 1961) - ronin plays gangs against one another. pretty much last man standing or any cowboy film (now you know where the plot vehicle got popular) but w/ swords and shit. kinda hardcore.
RECOMMENDED
Tsubaki Sanjuro (Akira Kurosawa, 1962) - ronin steels motely crew to win over unjust. waaay light hearted, sequel of sorts to yojimbo.
RECOMMENDED
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (Mike Hodges, 2003) - retired strong arm returns. think cowboy bebop in england recently, killah jazz soundtrack, anticlimatic
RECOMMENDED
Rumble Fish (Francis Ford Coppola, 1983) - dipshit wants to lead a gang. hecka growing pains, missing of the train, etc. leading lady is uber hot which is rad, screwy experimental soundtrack.
RECOMMENDED
Eraserhead (David Lynch, 1977) - ... yeah don't look at me. awesome AV experience, attempt to interpret if you dare.
RECOMMENDED
Tetsuo (Tetsuo the Iron Man) (Shinya Tsukamoto, 1989) - d00ds totally turn into weirdo metal mutants. uh yeah... basically a japanese eraserhead, but makes a little bit more sense. fun experience.
RECOMMENDED
Once - just straight fucking blows, i don't know how it even got funded, i'm not dignifying it by writing a synopsis or listing director and year. If anyone asks you see this film w/ them punch them in the face and run.
NOT recommended
A Bridge Too Far (Richard Attenborough, 1977) - account of market garden. terrible, terrible film. failed to capture the absolute cluster fuck the operation was. however, for pushing 3h did not seem that long.
NOT recommended
It Happened One Night (Frank Capra, 1934) - spoiled runaway hooks up w/ sod reporter. Actually funny, actually romantic. odd how that works when your cast can act and your writers can write and all sexuality needs to be implied not just straight up boob shots and mad finger blastin'.
RECOMMENDED
The Apartment (Billy Wilder, 1960) - barely lovable loser climbs to the type via favors. kinda cute, kinda bland, a bit too long.
NOT recommended
The Lost Weekend (Billy Wilder, 1945) - sorry excuse of a man can't climb out of the bottle. think leaving las vegas, but actually good.
RECOMMENDED
Paths of Glory (Stanley Kubrick, 1957) - incompetent decision paid for w/ private lives. an incredibly short kubrick film. sweet war scene, nice sets, a bit of emotion.
RECOMMENDED
The Maltese Falcon (John Huston, 1941) - smart ass dick outwits treasure hunters. taught, fast paced, snappy dialog.
RECOMMENDED
The Thin Man (W.S. Van Dyke, 1934) - gin soaked PI finds the real crook. wildly charming.
RECOMMENDED
Notorious (Alfred Hitchcock, 1946) - Gman makes spy out of traitor's daughter. O-M-G, Ingrid Bergman is crazy gorgeous! Right amount of suspense and intrigue.
RECOMMENDED
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
You Suck at Photoshop: A Love Story
The first in a lovely, unsettling series.
Bonus action: If you make it to number four, here's the relevant ebay auction.
Bonus action: If you make it to number four, here's the relevant ebay auction.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Top-Notch Knob-Twiddled, Synth-Drenched, Loop-Ridden, Click-Infested, Hyperreal Tweaker Jazz of Yesteryear
f/k/a "Top (200)7 Electronic Albums of 2007"
originally published at mel.opho.be
Why seven? Because there were only seven good electronic albums released last year.
That I heard.
Often.
Enough.
To remember.
In January.
..AHEM..
7. Burial - Untrue (Hyperdub)
For some unfathomable hasn't-read-Pitchfork-since-2004 reason, I'd managed to avoid all news of this album until roughly the end of last year, when the entirety of the hipper-than-me interwubs trumpeted its minimalist genius and prodded me into dim awareness. You know what? It's rather good. I like it. If I'm slavishly working on something in a dark room with big headphones and the remnants of a hangover, "Untrue" fits that mood. On the other hand, it belongs to a flavor-of-the-month subgenre known as "dubstep," which is unfortunate, since what that ridiculous label says to me is that a) it's British; b) it's probably another dubby, garage-y soundalike with differently configured doodads; and c) it features vocals from someone who sounds uncannily like Craig David and whose voice will ruin any possible enjoyment until, through aural attrition, it fades to irrelevance like so much forgotten Kodachrome.
6. Doveman - With My Left Hand I Raise the Dead (Brassland)
There's this local radio show, "Expansions," that sneaks up on me late Sunday nights while I'm navigating Seattle's too-few thoroughfares, wending my way home through idiots in Lexi. Oftentimes, at some point during one of the show's 45-minute ambient freak-outs, I happily stumble upon what I'm convinced is a sort of spiritual tether with the DJ. He has chosen this particular song at this particular moment because he wants me to remember a late-autumn Tuesday in the fourth grade and I am taking that journey with him and it is good. Inevitably, Mr. DJ later pipes up to say "that was Doveman with his latest white label release, 'some crap I recorded on a Playskool microphone in the bathroom.'" This here album may not feature the above track, but it's worth a listen nonetheless. Oh, hey, plus! He (Doveman) took part in a Stereogum-sponsored "OK Computer" tribute project, an idea of which I can't quite seem to disapprove. Please do check out his take on "Airbag," which reminds me a hell of a lot of Mr. Yorke's once-upon-a-time collaborations with Sparklehorse and U.N.C.L.E. Funny, that.
5. Dan Deacon - Spiderman of the Rings (Carpark)
Now that trance and its various deformed offspring have for all intents and purposes gone the way of the glowstick, the word "anthemic" no longer gets tossed around with the abandon of years past (albeit with one notable Arcade Fire exception). I suppose that's probably for the best, but my god if Dan Deacon's hyperactive drums, schizophrenic arpeggios, and plaintive, mutated nonsense lyrics aren't absolutely, unironically anthemic. Something like early (i.e. good) Orbital or Underworld, only with the way-too-excited-to-be-here naivety and energy of Danielson. Could be I've just fallen for some slick postmodern joke. I hope not.
4. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver (DFA)
Um.. So you may have heard of this album. It's pretty okay. Lend an ear to the sequence of "North American Scum" through "All My Friends" (emphasis on the latter) for a 20-minute object lesson in how to structure a generational soundtrack. And this coming from a guy who tends otherwise to lavish scorn and indifference on LCD Soundsystem at every opportunity.
3. Apparat - Walls (Shitkatapult)
I briefly considered turning this column into a "top ten albums to listen to at work." That is, until I realized exactly how little anyone might care about said category. And yet! Had it been so, this gem of a record might have stood a chance at garnering the coveted top spot. It's mesmerising! Adaptive! Rewarding! Constantly varied yet thematically unified! Still not as good as his "Orchestra of Bubbles" collaboration with Ellen Allien! Oddly, the album's lone single, "HoldOn," stands out as one of its weaker offerings. Of course, this may have something to do with my aforementioned distaste for the breathy, sweat-dripping male vocals that pervade European dance pop. I much prefer when Mr. Ring treats voices as yet another plaything, to be chopped, juggled, dropped on the floor, stomped on, and ultimately sculpted to serve the greater good (cf. "Limelight"). Or better yet: the instrumentals!
2. Justice - † (Downtown/Ed Banger)
Huddled toe-tapping masses: Arise! Leap! Contort! Dance! Participate in violent head-bob action! Punch the air so hard you leave welts and bruises and it escapes to a battered elements shelter! Harder! Wish you were French so you too could make the world's best dance music! The only dance music! Remember why you fell in love with Daft Punk and forget why you ever stopped listening to "Homework"! Yup, that's Justice all right. Too bad it now reminds me of car commercials. Or maybe not? It's an unsettled and intensely personal question, thank you very much.
1. The Field - From Here We Go Sublime (Kompakt)
So I guess the Swedes can excel at something other than disco-pop and orc-metal, huh? Rad. Actually, The Knife should have taught me that lesson, but until I consulted The Librarian, I honestly had no idea that the two shared a homeland. Fortunately, they also share that rare alchemic talent for transmuting base materials into something quite otherworldly. Suddenly and devastatingly off-topic, I am returned to the halcyon days of my "techno"-spewing youth, when decent samples were nigh impossible to come by, a four-note sequence of stolen 303 burps constituted a melody, and "user-friendly GUI" meant you could choose the background color of your craptastic DOS-based keyboard-only 8-bit shareware. Ah, them were the days. Now any old chump off the street can instantly assemble a collection of professional (aka "illegal") samplers and soft synths, dump the results in Reason or ACID or Ableton Live, and BAM! you've got a world-class indie-electronic producer. Or, well, not so much. Turns out that no matter how drastically the entry bar is lowered, the measure of success remains what you can do with the tools at your disposal. (-END TANGENT-) "From Here We Go Sublime" is not an exciting album in the way that Justice's hump-the-subwoofer kinesthesia is exciting, nor the way in which Radiohead's cheap-as-free publicity stunt pricing model is exciting. No, it's exciting in more of a transcendentally meditative, gently throbbing, endlessly looped carnivorous brainworm migraine of a chord progression sort of way. The way electronic music should be exciting; which is to say, not exactly. But goddamn if it ain't brilliant.
originally published at mel.opho.be
Why seven? Because there were only seven good electronic albums released last year.
That I heard.
Often.
Enough.
To remember.
In January.
..AHEM..
7. Burial - Untrue (Hyperdub)
For some unfathomable hasn't-read-Pitchfork-since-2004 reason, I'd managed to avoid all news of this album until roughly the end of last year, when the entirety of the hipper-than-me interwubs trumpeted its minimalist genius and prodded me into dim awareness. You know what? It's rather good. I like it. If I'm slavishly working on something in a dark room with big headphones and the remnants of a hangover, "Untrue" fits that mood. On the other hand, it belongs to a flavor-of-the-month subgenre known as "dubstep," which is unfortunate, since what that ridiculous label says to me is that a) it's British; b) it's probably another dubby, garage-y soundalike with differently configured doodads; and c) it features vocals from someone who sounds uncannily like Craig David and whose voice will ruin any possible enjoyment until, through aural attrition, it fades to irrelevance like so much forgotten Kodachrome.
6. Doveman - With My Left Hand I Raise the Dead (Brassland)
There's this local radio show, "Expansions," that sneaks up on me late Sunday nights while I'm navigating Seattle's too-few thoroughfares, wending my way home through idiots in Lexi. Oftentimes, at some point during one of the show's 45-minute ambient freak-outs, I happily stumble upon what I'm convinced is a sort of spiritual tether with the DJ. He has chosen this particular song at this particular moment because he wants me to remember a late-autumn Tuesday in the fourth grade and I am taking that journey with him and it is good. Inevitably, Mr. DJ later pipes up to say "that was Doveman with his latest white label release, 'some crap I recorded on a Playskool microphone in the bathroom.'" This here album may not feature the above track, but it's worth a listen nonetheless. Oh, hey, plus! He (Doveman) took part in a Stereogum-sponsored "OK Computer" tribute project, an idea of which I can't quite seem to disapprove. Please do check out his take on "Airbag," which reminds me a hell of a lot of Mr. Yorke's once-upon-a-time collaborations with Sparklehorse and U.N.C.L.E. Funny, that.
5. Dan Deacon - Spiderman of the Rings (Carpark)
Now that trance and its various deformed offspring have for all intents and purposes gone the way of the glowstick, the word "anthemic" no longer gets tossed around with the abandon of years past (albeit with one notable Arcade Fire exception). I suppose that's probably for the best, but my god if Dan Deacon's hyperactive drums, schizophrenic arpeggios, and plaintive, mutated nonsense lyrics aren't absolutely, unironically anthemic. Something like early (i.e. good) Orbital or Underworld, only with the way-too-excited-to-be-here naivety and energy of Danielson. Could be I've just fallen for some slick postmodern joke. I hope not.
4. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver (DFA)
Um.. So you may have heard of this album. It's pretty okay. Lend an ear to the sequence of "North American Scum" through "All My Friends" (emphasis on the latter) for a 20-minute object lesson in how to structure a generational soundtrack. And this coming from a guy who tends otherwise to lavish scorn and indifference on LCD Soundsystem at every opportunity.
3. Apparat - Walls (Shitkatapult)
I briefly considered turning this column into a "top ten albums to listen to at work." That is, until I realized exactly how little anyone might care about said category. And yet! Had it been so, this gem of a record might have stood a chance at garnering the coveted top spot. It's mesmerising! Adaptive! Rewarding! Constantly varied yet thematically unified! Still not as good as his "Orchestra of Bubbles" collaboration with Ellen Allien! Oddly, the album's lone single, "HoldOn," stands out as one of its weaker offerings. Of course, this may have something to do with my aforementioned distaste for the breathy, sweat-dripping male vocals that pervade European dance pop. I much prefer when Mr. Ring treats voices as yet another plaything, to be chopped, juggled, dropped on the floor, stomped on, and ultimately sculpted to serve the greater good (cf. "Limelight"). Or better yet: the instrumentals!
2. Justice - † (Downtown/Ed Banger)
Huddled toe-tapping masses: Arise! Leap! Contort! Dance! Participate in violent head-bob action! Punch the air so hard you leave welts and bruises and it escapes to a battered elements shelter! Harder! Wish you were French so you too could make the world's best dance music! The only dance music! Remember why you fell in love with Daft Punk and forget why you ever stopped listening to "Homework"! Yup, that's Justice all right. Too bad it now reminds me of car commercials. Or maybe not? It's an unsettled and intensely personal question, thank you very much.
1. The Field - From Here We Go Sublime (Kompakt)
So I guess the Swedes can excel at something other than disco-pop and orc-metal, huh? Rad. Actually, The Knife should have taught me that lesson, but until I consulted The Librarian, I honestly had no idea that the two shared a homeland. Fortunately, they also share that rare alchemic talent for transmuting base materials into something quite otherworldly. Suddenly and devastatingly off-topic, I am returned to the halcyon days of my "techno"-spewing youth, when decent samples were nigh impossible to come by, a four-note sequence of stolen 303 burps constituted a melody, and "user-friendly GUI" meant you could choose the background color of your craptastic DOS-based keyboard-only 8-bit shareware. Ah, them were the days. Now any old chump off the street can instantly assemble a collection of professional (aka "illegal") samplers and soft synths, dump the results in Reason or ACID or Ableton Live, and BAM! you've got a world-class indie-electronic producer. Or, well, not so much. Turns out that no matter how drastically the entry bar is lowered, the measure of success remains what you can do with the tools at your disposal. (-END TANGENT-) "From Here We Go Sublime" is not an exciting album in the way that Justice's hump-the-subwoofer kinesthesia is exciting, nor the way in which Radiohead's cheap-as-free publicity stunt pricing model is exciting. No, it's exciting in more of a transcendentally meditative, gently throbbing, endlessly looped carnivorous brainworm migraine of a chord progression sort of way. The way electronic music should be exciting; which is to say, not exactly. But goddamn if it ain't brilliant.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
LOC <3 Flickr
![Part of the cowling for one of the motors for a B-25 bomber is assembled in the engine department of North American [Aviation, Inc.]'s Inglewood, Calif., plant (LOC)](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk-NRagmLHu_W_j3kZxkeal9tx6-NibYLtwzyXfXNvNGcNjWGPjVhGHl-p9toWerw-gmkrvaIxNYlLnJ9aGk-SwEtJ-S_d0KQ_n48rCmve4Uoiy_BFi32tnPj5jUBZ1A_RgwC2Hcb5i-4/s320/2179073859_bef38dfdcb_o.jpg "Part of the cowling for one of the motors for a B-25 bomber is assembled in the engine department of North American [Aviation, Inc.]'s Inglewood, Calif., plant (LOC)")
The Library of Congress just uploaded 3000+ copyright-free photos to Flickr. Take that, Getty Images!
One can only hope that this is but the first easily accessible drop in the LOC's 14 million-gallon bucket of images.
Monday, January 14, 2008
"Linda Linda Linda" (2005)
"How could anyone possibly think this would hold my interest for 114 minutes?"
+
"Japanese school girl punk cover band? Awesome!"
=
..oh, and don't forget the source material:
Friday, January 11, 2008
That's a mouthful
This/last year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (aka "worst opening sentence" contest) grand prize winner:
Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Discovering Electronic Music
Far and away the best thing I've ever seen on the interwubs. This afternoon.
[VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE]
Or, in the colorful argot favored by YouTube denizens: "lmao gay"
Thursday, January 3, 2008
All hail the button-masher
Never let it be said that one man with an MPC doth not a band make.
Okay, so I ran myself a little search, and it turns out that no one else has ever actually said that. FINE.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
not a martial arts film
Curse of the Golden Flower
(Yimou Zhang, 2006)
Mother fucks son, son fucks sister.
The movie that wishes it were Hero, but was not close. Not at all, not even a little. Grandiose hand built stages interrupted by embarrassing CG backdrops. Slow poke story line alleviated by all too rare and wholly unsatisfying fight scenes. Why does the blood look so bad? HOLY COW!! Gong Li has some amazing cans. Same for young supporting actress. This film did nothing to cause me to rethink martial art films as the box back claimed, but damn, it did cause me to rethink my stance on Chinese women w/ their tats bound tight and popping outta dress tops.
general flow of film : BORING, jesus! nice rack, BORING, BORING, whoa that dood has sickle in his back, YES! fucking archers!, BORING, wow, i enjoy large breasted women running and riding horses, BORING, FIGHT SCENE (anh, not that great), etc. etc. ad nausea
Oh but the part where the chick gets kicked in the ute is hella
Not recommended
(Yimou Zhang, 2006)
Mother fucks son, son fucks sister.
The movie that wishes it were Hero, but was not close. Not at all, not even a little. Grandiose hand built stages interrupted by embarrassing CG backdrops. Slow poke story line alleviated by all too rare and wholly unsatisfying fight scenes. Why does the blood look so bad? HOLY COW!! Gong Li has some amazing cans. Same for young supporting actress. This film did nothing to cause me to rethink martial art films as the box back claimed, but damn, it did cause me to rethink my stance on Chinese women w/ their tats bound tight and popping outta dress tops.
general flow of film : BORING, jesus! nice rack, BORING, BORING, whoa that dood has sickle in his back, YES! fucking archers!, BORING, wow, i enjoy large breasted women running and riding horses, BORING, FIGHT SCENE (anh, not that great), etc. etc. ad nausea
Oh but the part where the chick gets kicked in the ute is hella
Not recommended
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
RAPISTS TO DEATH!
We last left our B-Boy crew as they were abouts to be "rapists to death" by either A) a horde of Peasants, or 2) some bad-ass Nightswatch who told Jonas to go "f" himself. That was at least 5 sessions ago and the outcome of that incident was this: Lily coup de graced 2 pinned Black Brothers and poisoned the mortally wounded Ser Meryk. Other notable happenings were the death of Nomar (though his spirit is rumored to be seen shredding on a double-necked guitar where ever and whenever the word "brutal" can be used.) and the stewardship of Lord Karstark.
Jonas Glover then led an expedition of 40 men into the North to find the mysterious "Weapon of Power" or "WoP." Turns out there are ghosts and undead and shit up there and half the party is killed. The other half is taken "guest" with some wildlings until the undead kill ALL OF THEM! (And some of us.) On the plus side, Keldrin got a sweet undead vaporizing bow and the party leveled. Even the new guy, Therock (The Rock,) played by Steve.
"Undead horde... threatening the North... not a lot we can do." says the party to Lord Karstark upon their return.
"I bid thee go and fetch your zombie head... unleash upon the world what has been unleashed upon me!" Lord Karstark bellowed with a sickening pelvic thrust for good measure.
*INCOMING TRANSMISSION*
"Zombies everywhere! Kings Landing is being overrun by Others! Oh, what ungodly sin has our King committed to bring such a fowl, plague upon us?!"
The group looks back and forth at the spreading zombie infestation. It isn't said aloud, but you can tell that they all are feeling that killing those two hookers and making them zombies for the good of the Kingdom... might have been a mistake.
Jonas Glover then led an expedition of 40 men into the North to find the mysterious "Weapon of Power" or "WoP." Turns out there are ghosts and undead and shit up there and half the party is killed. The other half is taken "guest" with some wildlings until the undead kill ALL OF THEM! (And some of us.) On the plus side, Keldrin got a sweet undead vaporizing bow and the party leveled. Even the new guy, Therock (The Rock,) played by Steve.
"Undead horde... threatening the North... not a lot we can do." says the party to Lord Karstark upon their return.
"I bid thee go and fetch your zombie head... unleash upon the world what has been unleashed upon me!" Lord Karstark bellowed with a sickening pelvic thrust for good measure.
*INCOMING TRANSMISSION*
"Zombies everywhere! Kings Landing is being overrun by Others! Oh, what ungodly sin has our King committed to bring such a fowl, plague upon us?!"
The group looks back and forth at the spreading zombie infestation. It isn't said aloud, but you can tell that they all are feeling that killing those two hookers and making them zombies for the good of the Kingdom... might have been a mistake.
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